The Night Before an Xmas Film Shoot...

Twas the Night Before a Christmas Film Shoot ~ by Debbie Overbey

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the set
Not a creature was stirring, not even my '98 Corvette.
The prop stockings were hung by the fake chimney with care,
In hopes that the Actor playing Saint Nicholas soon would be there.

The cast was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of decent paychecks and Oscars danced in their heads.
The Director in his promo cap, and I still searching for my boot,
Had just settled in for a long evening’s shoot.

When out on the set there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my AD chair to see what was the matter!
Away past the dolly I flew like a flash,
Protecting the camera so it wouldn't get trashed.

The light on the breast of the new painted set
Gave the luster of mid-day to the cast patiently waiting for tips.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature SUV, and eight gaffers and grips.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was our ACTOR, Saint Nick!
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called his crewmembers by name!

"Yo Jeremy! Now, Jason! Hey, Peter and Mack!
Oh, Amanda! And, Amy…and, Jo & Jack!
To the top of the set! Get up and fix that damn wall!
The green screen! The lights! Get it fixed now, y’all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, it was do or die.
So up to the film set the crew did fly,
Determined to make a decent production without asking “why?”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the set
The pounding and banging of each little tool.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the fake chimney Saint Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed in fake fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with special-fx ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a damn good Santa, instead of hack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, the makeup was cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
But the beard on his chin was glued on kinda low.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, the effects guys would make look like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
And right on cue...it shook like a bowl full of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
Who ever did the costuming should be proud of them self!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave us the cue we had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word...the script read, scene 17; take one "go to work"
And filled all the stockings, and then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod and up the fake chimney he rose!

He was supposed to spring to his sleigh, with no time to linger,
but we forgot the damn sleigh, so he gave us the finger.
And we heard him exclaim, as he walked past the cast,
"Happy Christmas to all, and you can all kiss my ass!"

*Have a safe and very Happy Holiday, everyone!!!

See you on the set,

Debbie Overbey

Copyright 2001/2008 Debbie Overbey
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